Everybody who’s anybody knows that the only virtual webspace worth having a presence on anymore is Instagram. The days of MySpace are long gone friends! There’s no cooler way to express yourself than by sharing pictures with potentially billions of others. And that’s not all! By feeding into the Instagram machine you too could be inspiring others to get out there and crush rocks!
- The Rack
What better way to remind everyone you live in the first world than by arranging all your expensive climbing gear on your floor/bed. Other climbers will know how serious you are when they see your double set of C3 Camalots and those original RPs you sourced from eBay after a weekend of online searching. You may have missed out on climbing this weekend but you’ll be prepared for those E8 slabs on your next day off! When it’s raining.
- Battle Hands
In the climbing world battles are fought in the vertical realm of the rock. Some sell-out companies have started producing jamming gloves to try make a quick buck from the wimps afraid to engage in bare-knuckle combat with those classic splitters. Joe Brown never wore them and the backs of his hands are famously well worn from decades of abuse. Don’t you want that too? Show the world your chalked, bloodied hands!
- The Picture of The Proj
No climber is complete without a proj; that uncompleted route or boulder problem that inspires you to get up at 4am and fall back to sleep as you lower to the floor on your eighth press-up. Proj (short for project) photos are best posted with a tilt shift filter on. The blurriness is a good visual representation of the unknown element of the journey. YEAH!
- The Clif Bar
Are you into the outdoors? Then you’d better be seen eating these every time you step outside! Toproping the roadside VS is an exhausting activity and you’d better be sure to replace those calories as soon as you’ve been lowered to the ground! Spreading the word via social media will help others to get maximum nutrition too.
- Brand New Shoes
Just like girls love posting pictures of their new shoes online, climbers (men and women alike – there’s no sexism here!) love sharing pictures of their new climbing shoes. Or even their old ones! What better way to honour the soles that took you over literally thousands of centimetres of rock than by immortalising them on the internet?
We all know Wolfgang Gullich invented the beastmaker so he could climb the world’s first 8a. If you want to climb harder than your friend then you’d better get hanging from the new training board and let them know you’re going to beat them to the chains by sharing a training picture on Instagram. Even if it’s the only time you use that €90 plank of wood it’ll be worth it.
- Short Video Clip
Videos are the new pictures so be sure not to clog up your feed with too many static, one dimensional forms of media. With enough #hashtags you can expect to get a call from Sender Films about the next REEL ROCK tour. At the very least expect a slot on EpicTV. #lightscameraaction #spielbergeatyourheartout
- Photo of You ‘Sending’
We all want to see the person behind the inspiring pictures every now and then. It’s important to get a picture of yourself doing something ‘rad’ so people can put a face to the name. It goes without saying that you should look your best in this photo. And be sure to tag your friend who took the photo, unless of course it’s a better photo than you could take yourself, in which case you can explain the complicated tripod/remote shutter setup you used.
- Summit Selfie
Some people talk about the journey being more important than the destination but that’s bullshit. Getting to the top, by whatever means are at your disposal, is the name of the game in climbing and you can’t possibly expect thousands of online followers if you don’t slap up a summit selfie every now and then. Show the world what you #conquered!
- New Clothing from Trendy Climbing Company
Are you climbing in unbranded pants?! Of course not! Make sure the climbing media knows about your new luminous yellow E9 trousers or the new season Prana wifebeater you pre-ordered. You might get rained on between the car and the front door of the climbing gym so let the world know your solution; the latest Arcteryx hardshell!
- Historic Climbing Event Photo
Every once in awhile something big goes down in the climbing world. This year it was the Dawn Wall, which, unless you’ve been living under a rock (which would actually be cool for a rock climber actually…) is a new aiding climb on Half Dome that #GoTommy and Alex Handhold climbed under the watchful eye of the rest of the world. Better share one of Keith Ladzinski’s photos you robbed for your screensaver to stay in the loop!
- The Dirtbag
Climbing has long been associated with being tight with money, stealing food so you can buy a new slackline and parking outside the campsite but sleeping in your car and using their toilet facilities. Display your solidarity with fellow dirtbag climbers and simultaneously give the finger to money-obsessed big corporations by posting lifestyle pictures to Instagram. From your iPhone 6.
- Brushing Photo
Conditions are important. Any serious climber knows that even a fraction of a degree of temperature can be the difference between success and failure. Equally as important is hold cleanliness. Try get one of those photos of you brushing that perfect edge (with a new Lapis boar’s hair brush of course) to keep up to speed.
- Tops Off = Lots of Sex
Imagine the scene; it’s 4°C in your local boulder field/climbing wall. You’re wearing your North Face puffy jacket and a Patagonia beanie with a bobble on it. Beneath the warmth of all that goose down is a body Michelangelo could have carved on Italian marble. If you’re looking for a mate then you’d better strip off that insulation and show the world the quivering, sculpted muscles that are about to propel you to victory. Get your friend to take a picture. Just remember to leave the hat on.
- Yoga Girl
If there’s one way to get ahead in the Instagram world it’s by posting pictures of girls doing yoga. Ideally you want girls doing very bendy yoga poses in tights that are two sizes too small. Yoga is a great rest day activity between sending and keeps you limber for your quest on the rock. But unless you’re one of those girls you’re better just finding a picture of one of them online somewhere.
So there you have it. At the rate of one photo a day there is at least two week’s worth of advice there. You’re welcome.